No matter how much they say that the stamp in the passport is just a formality, it is much easier to start living together than to get married. Readiness for marriage is not determined by the age of partners or the number of years spent together. Before making an important decision, you need to take a break from the fantasies of a chic dress, a beautiful celebration and analyze your behavior in relationships. Here are signs that will help you to understand that you are not ready to get married yet.
1. Want more autonomy
We all need personal space, but in the family, we need to be able to find a balance between our interests and relationships. Staying true to your desires, but being able to make compromises is still an equilibrist. If your life is like a war of independence, and you are not ready to give up positions, you can, as long as you should not pacify yourself by marriage.
To be alone is to do what you want and when you want. But these days end when you get married. One of the problems of marriage is the inability to abandon selfish ways and learn to follow scenarios in which you cannot get what you want. If you are not ready to give in, you are not ready for marriage.
2. Do not talk about money
The way you treat material values can tell a lot about your relationship. If you are not ready to tell your partner about your finances, then you still lack confidence.
If you have not spoken to your partner about money, you are not ready to marry. The reason is that money is one of those taboo subjects in our society that we usually do not discuss. But the way we treat money and spending money reflects our values. And partners who did not discuss this are not ready to move into the next area of commitment.
– emphasizes clinical psychologist Ben Michaelis. You do not have to force yourself to post passwords from bank cards to a guy if you feel you are not ready. Stop and think about why you are not in a hurry to be frank in financial matters.
3. You have secrets
One of the most important details in a long relationship is absolute trust. If you are forced to hide something from a guy because you are afraid of condemnation, you should not rush into marriage. “I protect his feelings” and other excuses are a sign of emotional immaturity, not a manifestation of care. According to Shayden Francis, a family therapist, it is important to find a balance between private life and honest relationships:
Although you always have the right to privacy, the desire to marry without transparency may indicate that you are not ready to deepen the emotional intimacy in your relationship.
4. You think divorce is just
Marriage is not only expressing to person but a legal partnership that will have a big impact on your life. Especially if there are children. So, do not think about starting a family as a kind of experiment that you can always stop a divorce.
If you find it easier to decide on a wedding with the thought: “will Not work – get a divorce”, then you are already in doubt of his willingness to take on serious commitments.
Yes, divorce is really possible, because, fortunately, we are not in the 17th century, where the only legitimate reason to terminate the marriage was considered treason. But those who went through this unpleasant procedure, you know how difficult such a gap.
5. Doubt the partner
There is only one reason to get married – you want to be with this person and start a family with him. If there is any doubt whether this is a man or some other reason, for example, the pressure of relatives, reconsider your decision.
Clinical psychologist Sarah Williams stresses that marriage should not be a way to solve problems:
Some people are motivated to get married in order to fix something in their lives or solve problems in a relationship. You cannot expect someone else to save you, and it is very likely that current problems will continue in marriage.
In addition, if you marry because of the fear of offending your partner or wanting to please someone, you will not experience anything but disappointment.
Do not rush to respond to the proposal of the hand and heart “yes” only because of the fear of spoiling the evening. External wedding attributes or the opinion of others should not overshadow your own desires. Begin to trust each other, discuss future plans and ask what each of you expect from life out of wedlock.