What pushes people to treason – the inability to cope with problems in relationships or character traits? Can this remain a single case or will it be a stigma for life?
There are many people who say that traitors are not correct, and they are not credible. There are also many stories in which treason was the result of poor partner selection. And the plot about how a typical polygamous macho meets true love and turns into an ideal of loyalty and moral purity is the favorite classic of romcoms.
If you change, it is difficult to remain loyal. But when it’s about cheating someone else, everything stops being so unambiguous. Sometimes good people make mistakes. Sometimes a negative attitude pushes us towards bad deeds. Life is not divided into black and white, so it is difficult to decide whether to trust the one who changed in past relationships. Here are some questions that will help make a decision if she found out that your boyfriend is capable of cheating.
How do you know that?
Not everyone agrees that it is necessary to confess to treason, and this is not only those who commit adultery. This is confirmed by the experience of our readers. However, if we could choose how to find out such news, I would prefer to hear about first-hand treason, and not from someone else.
If a person decided to be frank and told himself that he was wrong in past relationships, this is a good sign. He is aware of his action, and honesty is not an empty sound for him.
Accidentally finding out that your boyfriend cheated before is doubly unpleasant. Such situations make you wonder why he was hiding it. Didn’t want to scare you? Or does not consider adultery something important? In any case, you should talk about it.
Does he sincerely regret his action?
Another thing worth paying attention to is how he relates to his act. Recognizes that it was his own mistake? Blames partner, trying to look like a victim of circumstances? If a person is able to admit that he hurt his ex, it means that he knows something about constructive and destructive ways of solving problems in a relationship. No matter how disgusting a past girl is, it cannot justify deception and betrayal. Well, if he agrees with that.
What did he learn from this experience?
In addition to sex with two girls, of course. The key to understanding whether it is worth building a relationship with someone who had problems with infidelity is to listen carefully to his conclusions. Feel free to ask questions. It is not necessary to delve into household details, but it is necessary to understand how he evaluates his action. Do not close yourself from this unpleasant conversation, say everything that worries you before you go further.
Can you continue to trust him?
Do not dwell on the past, but try to start over again – a bold decision. But, although I don’t mind second chances, trust is a very subtle thing that is difficult to control. Honestly think about how you feel about what is happening. If he gave reason to believe that he grew up, and did not repeat the same mistakes, forgetting about betrayal is not the worst choice. And if you feel that you will always torment yourself with questions, where he is and with whom, you should not start a relationship.
Science, like public opinion, is not on the side of the traitors. According to a study by American scientists, people who were unfaithful to their former partners are more likely to betray the current one. Employees of the University of Denver surveyed about five hundred people and found that most often you should not expect marital fidelity from those who are capable of treason. A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Nevertheless, taking into account past mistakes of a partner or not is a very personal decision. It should not be made under the impression of statistics, but on the basis of its own conclusions, because there are no right and wrong answers here. There is nothing wrong with showing understanding and accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes. But if you decide to interrupt such a relationship for your own peace of mind – who will judge you.